Today I have Part 2:
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close. [Mark Twain]
A childrens Sunday school class was learning the story of when there was a test of who was the read god between God and Baal. Elijah was pouring four barrels of water over the cow and his alter,and the teacher asks why he did that. "Well, to make gravy" says one girl.
Wanna know why the 10 Commandments are short, sweet and to the point?
They werent set before several committees. (or the school board, for that matter)
Several preachers are arguing over the most effective ways to pray. One says its on your knees, another looking up to heaven, etc. A nearby repairman hears them and says "the best prayin' that I ever did was hanging upside down from a telephone pole..."
One day, a preacher mentions that he spent his best days in the arms of another mans wife... Luckily later on he explains that the lady was his mother.
A guy in a taxi wanted to speak to the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted the curb, demolished a lamppost and came to a stop inches from a shop window.The startled passenger said “I didn’t mean to frighten you, just wanted to ask you something.” Taxi driver says “Not your fault Sir. It’s my first day as a cab driver, I’ve been driving a hearse for the past 25 years”.
A couple was going out for a date and was putting their house in order before they left- turing on a night light, turning the answering machine on, covering the pet parakeet, and putting the cat in the backyard. They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and they opened the front door to leave the house. As they walked out the door, the cat they had put out in the yard, scoots back into the house- likely wanting to eat the bird. The wife goes on out to the taxi, while the husband went back inside to get the cat. Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that the husband will be out soon, 'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.' A few minutes later,he gets into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long... That stupid lady was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!'
A painter had been thinning his paint for some time, and eventually got caught by a customer. The tip- Repaint, Repaint, and thin no more.
A little girl was staying the night with her grandma, who had set aside her false teeth in a cup for the night already. The girl was amazed and whispered "The toothfairy will never believe this!"