At the same time, it makes me uncomfortable to talk about someone's weaknesses online. I dont like that concept of gossiping behind their back, and I think on the internet there is almost more damage that can be done than in a face-to-face conversation. So this post gets on my nerves quite a bit. I dont mind being personal, but I'm talking about a flaw in my mom's personality for a bit today and you all have to promise not to judge or blackmail my mom before reading.
So lets just say that my mom doesnt always recogize the good and the bad as such. I will have several tests on one day and a homework assignment I didnt get to, so a super high intensity day, and she will cheerily go "Okay! Have fun at school today" as if I told her I am getting a check for a million dollars.
Also my mom doesnt ever celebrate accomplishing something cool.
She wont say "Well this was a really good well and its a nice summer day. Lets get a pizza" or "Hey, I just got a promotion. We should go on a cool day trip somewhere."
There is never a time when she will tell any of us (me, my dad, my sister) that she is proud of us or never a time when she seems satisfied.
And there is something to that which is good, about always striving for more. Never being content with your skills and ideas and accomplishments but saying "Tomorrow I will be even better"..... but there is also a way to take it way too far.
And, school is hard when you never have someone telling you "good job".
And, life is hard when you never have someone giving you credit.
I dont know if this makes sense but: Everything is easier when it seems like it matters.
Every mountain easier to scale when there is something wonderful waiting at the top,
I could take 20 AP exams and get 5s on all of them (well not me, but the much smarter equivalent) and my parents would say ehhh.
No doubt I could develop the cure for cancer and my mom wouldnt blink.
Its just the way she is. I dont know how she does it herself, to keep working extremely hard for what seems like nothing.
I can remember once we went out to eat at the end of a school year. It was kindergarten actuallty and we went to a local restaurant, CR Bucks.
I remember we were told what we were ordering by my mom and we have video of being there. But since then we havent done the "I am proud of you" thing.
And I dont think that that is right.
My dad will do the "here are mints for your big exam, so you better get every question right" and its close because there is still that reward, but its not quite the same. I love mints so much, but its also a lot of pressure to be perfect.
Sometimes I think he is generous and other times I think he asks too much of me; they go hand in hand.
I'm writing this post just after taking the ACT, the September 10th one. When my friend's family came to get her, they went and got italian ices from a place called Rita's. She got cotton candy.
Honestly, I was so jealous.
Because we dont do that and I think its a great idea. The ACT is a hard exam, there is a lot of pressure, and getting ice cream just kinda makes everything better.
That sense of, okay we dont know your scores but you tried and you got through the hard thing and we are proud of you.
The sense of "You deserve ice cream" as opposed to not.
We dont go out to eat as a family a lot. Maybe once a year. Twice?
For Labor Day we got Wendy's mini- frostys because at Lakemont Amusement park if you give them your wrist band you get a free mini frosty but before that I dont know when we have gone out to eat last.
In the Spring when Chick Fil A opened in my area we got free sandwhiches but that was maybe March? Have we gone anywhere between now and then?
One summer (2010?) we had Sheetz free drink coupons so we did that a lot, and a long time ago we would get Free Birthday meals at Red Robin, but that hasnt been a thing in a long time. Even if we get something off the dollar menu from McDonalds if we have been driving for 8 hours, we use McDonalds Dollars which are some sort of gift card and we always have to wait for a manager because no one has heard of them .
So I guess going out to eat just to go out to eat is super super special to me.
Well technically, I dont know the last time that all four of us have gone out to eat and paid for the bill 100% but just the concept of going out to eat just to do something nice together?
Its one of those things that I always say, when I grow up, I will do it differently in my house. Meeting goals is something that should be recognized. Its no fun feeling like youre not enough.. there is a point when I need to stop and say, no. I actually do deserve something special.
And I encourage you to do the same. Because you are awesome and deserve to be happy.
So yeah, if you do cool things, make sure to reward yourself. Go to Ritas or somewhere nice. Get your favorite flavor.