More Qualifications:
- I never take anything for granite.
- I am creative, dependable, and housebroken.
- I continually receive complaints on the high quality of work I perform.
- I have eight arms and eight legs with excellent interpersonal skills.
- I have unsuccessfully raised a dog.
- At the age of twelve, I began hustling newspapers like many other great Americans had done. The only difference was that they became great.
- I'm a rabid typist.
- Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain operation.
- Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
- I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.
Special Requests:
- Desired Salary: $1.00 Per Year
- I'll need $30K to start, full medical, three weeks of vacation, stock options and ideally a European sedan.
- Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.
- I need just enough money to have pizza every night.
- I don't have a phone 4 the time being. Please email me instead.
- I prefer setting my own pace. When things get slack I like the right to walk out and get a haircut during working hours.
- Skills and accomplishments:
- Set record for eating 45 eggs in two minutes.
- I make an excellent sandwich.
- Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
- Raised over $6,000 for an organization... by sitting on a commode.
- Proven ability to track down and correct erors.
- Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory.
- I am quick at typing, about 25 word per minute, 35 with caffeinated coffee.
- Outstanding worker; flexible 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year.
Additional Information:
- Being in trouble with the law, I moved quite frequently.
- You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
- Shot at the local gun club.
- I've left a path of destruction behind me.